After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
