I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
