hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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