Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
