As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
