you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
