I want to stick my p in your. b.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't deserve a penis
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
