Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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