I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
