I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
