You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
