My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
