Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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