when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
