i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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