Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i think im in europe. pls send help
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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