My first STD was from a foam party
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
