it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
