Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
