3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
