Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
