Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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