Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
