you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
