My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
