u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
