Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
