you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
