Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
