i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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