3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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