she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
