I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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