i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this just has baby written all over it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
