OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
