Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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