Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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