I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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