Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
