the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
