She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Enjoy the penises
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
