I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
