"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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