i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
