I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
