He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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