I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
