his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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