it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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