Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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