READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
