There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
